


regret.jpg

by kickinest



Series: hte regret files [1]
Category: Le Dernier Des Raisins
Genre: Crack, Gen, Zombie AU, and it's in stage direction format, but there was no LDDR fic so, it was a shitty french project, its a BAD SKIT, kudos to us for not dying of laughter while posting this, okay so this is entirely a joke, spy AU, there was no effort put into it, we had to
Language: Français
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-25
Updated: 2016-09-25
Packaged: 2018-08-17 07:47:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8136020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kickinest/pseuds/kickinest
Summary: Caroline Corbeil is mcfreaking spy and she kills François' momTHIS IS SO BAD





	

**Author's Note:**

> okay so we kind of did this as a project and it was not meant to be serious i'm not even a writer

François enters room  
Mother is lying “dead”, while Caroline checks her pulse. She has a gun in her hand. François doesn’t notice. 

François: *gasp of horror* MAMAN!!!!!! 

Caroline: Oh François! Je ne te l’ai pas vu la!  
Caroline looks at the body in mock horror

Caroline: Je l’ai trouvée comme ça!  
Caroline not-so-subtly kicks a gun across the floor*

François: Est-ce-qu’elle est…..  
*pause for drama*  
François: mort???????

Caroline: Je pense que oui. Je l’ai tué-  
Caroline covers her mouth  
Caroline: Je suis désolée, François.

François drops to his knees in horror, oblivious to C’s guilt.  
François: Est-ce-qu’elle était…..  
*pause AGAIN*  
François:.........assassinée????!??!?!??!?!?!?!?

Caroline looks mildly amused, but quickly feigns fear.  
Caroline: J'espère que non, mais………

Caroline gets up and goes over to him.  
Caroline: Est-ce que tu vas bien, mon ami?

François pauses, partially because he isn’t sure, but mostly for DRAMA  
François: Je pense?  
François: ahhhhhhh……  
François: Non.  
He puts his head in his hands and lowers his head to his knees.  
Caroline pats his back really awkwardly.

Caroline: C’est ou ton grand-père?

François: Il est au Japon… Je dois lui téléphoner!!!!!!!!  
François scrambles for his phone. 

He turns to reach into his back pocket. As he does so, Caroline pulls out a gun (use finger guns, elspeth do you want to get suspended) and aims at him. He turns back to her, phone in hand, and she tucks it away with the acting skills of the child actors in the Last Airbender movie. 

François: As-tu téléphoné la police??

Caroline shakes her head.  
Caroline: Non, je ne l’ai pas fait, mon ami.

François blanches visibly.  
François: D’abord, le criminel peut-être encore dans ma maison! Caroline es-tu fou?!!!!!!!!????

Caroline rolls her eyes at the audience and sighs.

Caroline *dramatic sigh* Peut-être, François. Je me demande ça tous les jours.  
Caroline puts her hand on his shoulder.  
Caroline: Voulez vous les téléphonez maintenant?  
She says this almost drily.

F: Uh… mais oui!

C: D’accord, faites-le!

F: Donnes moi une minute, Caroline.  
He says her name almost angrily.  
F: As tu vu quelqu'un entraîne de partir?? 

C: Mais, non, François.

F: Mais il y a qu’un porte? Il n’y a plus que 3 fenêtres dans le maison entier!  
François briefly panics, and looks at Caroline.  
F: Est-ce que tu m’a dit la vérité?!  
Caroline looks smug, and talks like she knows she’s lying.  
C: Mais, bien sur! 

François stands.  
F: ...Merci?  
F: Vous m’a vraiment aidée, Caroline. Vous êtes une amie formidable!  
He pulls out his phone.

F: Je vais appeler les services d’urgence.

F: (On phone:) Bonjour?  
François LEAVES.

C: *sighs in relief*  
Caroline pulls out her phone.  
C: Je dois prendre la fuite.  
She gets up and moves to leave, pulling out her cellphone.  
C: Ah, bonjour? La mere est parti. Rends moi des renforcements pour le garçon….

Caroline leaves and the mother sits up, zombie-like. She looks at the audience and mumbles  
“DuuuUU cervEaUx”


End file.
